Mental Health Awareness week: Counselling is ok & why we need to say so
In the summer of 2018 I found myself in a period of intense personal stress. I was moving house, adjusting to the demands of my new job and had a number of extracurricular activities as well as supporting my partner with their mental health. This is nothing unusual in the fast paced life we are living in.
At first I thought I needed career coaching and I explored this avenue for a while thinking it was the right route. Though after discussing this with my partner who’s previously seen a therapist it became apparent that finding a counsellor to talk through my worries and help me find coping strategies would be best.
How to find a counsellor / therapist.
In the UK you can go to your GP to request a referral for counselling, but for me I was in a position where I could afford to pay for my sessions directly. I was recommended to try BACP( British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) https://www.bacp.co.uk
After spending some time having a browse and getting an idea of what sort of talking therapies there were, it seemed that a counselor with experience of. work / life stress seemed to best fit my needs. So then after some searching on the BCAP database I found a list of potential councillors (https://www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists).
Getting in contact with a counsellor
The next step is plucking up the courage to write something to explain what your situation is and why you’re looking for support.This in itself is a very helpful step as it forces you to be honest with yourself on why you’re asking for help and what you hope to achieve. I can imagine for many people this in itself is a tricky step. Especially because there is such a demand for talking therapies that it’s easier to get booked in for a physical health check than it is to talk through issues.
I also felt most comfortable selecting a female counsellor and there bios do give you a bit of info on their style as well which helps you get an idea of their principles and approach.
I had over 5 people contact me to say they had no availability. Luckily for me I wasn’t in at crisis point, I was fortunate to be self aware and proactive that I could afford it taking me a few weeks to get a session booked in.
Below is a screenshot of one of the emails I sent.
What to expect from your first session
My first session focussed around the counsellor sharing the BCAP code of conduct and us discussing the privacy of the conversations. As well as the formality around if you were at any serious harm to yourself or others then the counsellor has a legal obligation to inform your GP.
Once the formalities were over and we both agreed to the principles of the meetings, then my counsellor took the time to explore the issues I was struggling with and how to tackle them. By the end of the first meeting we agreed to do an initial 6 sessions to work through the areas i’d outlined.
It does involve you feeling comfortable with your chosen therapist and that’s why they wont charge for the first session as its crucial that you get along with and feel able to talk to them about whatever is bothering you. I was lucky that the first counsellor I met with I immediately felt at ease with. I am quite an open person and will talk to anyone so maybe this was easier for me.
How counselling helped me
Over the 6 sessions we discussed all of the initial challenges that I wanted to get some support with. My counsellor helped me re-frame unhelpful thinking and put in place some very simple and effective strategies that have already helped me to feel more in control and to be more resilient. As well as giving me tools to have more constructive conversations with those around me.
I can honestly say it was really helpful to know I had an independent and non-judgemental perspective to work through my concerns. Just like I would see my physio when I have issues with my shoulder seeing a counsellor to talk through thoughts and stresses was great.
As a society we need to see talking therapy in the same positive way we’re embracing the culture of it being cool to see a personal trainer to get a Kim K booty!! I’ve told quite a few people i’ve made the decision to speak to a counsellor and people have been surprised that someone as organised and ‘together’ as me as needed this. This in itself is reflective of the judgements we have around this topic as I wouldnt be met with this same response if I told friends I was seeing a personal trainer.
So for anyone reading this who’s been thinking they might benefit from speaking to someone about any worries, anxieties or thinking thats not serving you, talking therapy is ok. If we have the ability to communicate with each other and this in turn helps us to be better versions of ourselves then this is something to celebrate the words can help us to grow as much as lifting weights can!
