What I learned from a compassion course?
My last blog post shared my reflections from attending an introduction to Buddhism course. Following on from the introduction I signed up for a going deeper course on the topic of compassion.
Earlier in the year I wrote about my journey of learning to practice compassion. So it seemed serendipitous that the first going deeper course covered this vital topic.
The experience of attending the Buddhism center and practicing meditation was likened to a meditation Gym. I really liked this analogy as over 6 weeks I learned how to build my compassion muscle. This post will share a bit about what I learned and some reflections on how the practice impacted me.
What I learned about compassion
Moving towards
It can be harder to slow down to make space for compassion as it takes a conscious effort to move towards suffering both in ourselves and others. One of the evils in Buddhism is ‘aversion’ which means moving away from things. What Buddhism encourages us to do is to go forth and move towards a place of refuge. The Metta Bhavna practice can be referred to as a sublime abode. A place through our practice where we can connect with love, ethics and wisdom. I explain a bit more about the Metta Bhavna further on in this post.
Near & far enemies
In the Buddhist teachings on compassion there is a useful concept of near and far enemies. These are contrasting reactions or behaviours that can be indicators of an individual’s own sufferings. I came across this great diagram from a Reddit post. Watch out for being inauthentic and comparison
Arukampa
I thought this term Arukampa had a beautiful definition. Which is to feel/tremble with another person. In essence to be alongside the suffering with another person. This is where lived experience goes a long way to deeper forms of empathy. But it doesn’t mean we can endeavor to understand what a situation feels like for someone else.
Loosening our sense of individual identity
Materialism
The course also touched on how materialism and capitalism have put the individual at the center of the universe. A downside of which can mean we disassociate from the natural inter connectivity between our actions and how they impact other people. As this course was on the run up to Christmas it certainly made me more mindful of how Christmas has lost its original meaning when people become fanatical about buying more stuff which we don’t really need.
All beings are a set of conditions
This is a fundamental principle of Buddhist physics I learned from the introductory course. Conditionality impacts on the choices that we make. Therefore when we think about someone we are having difficulty with we can meet this with compassion for the conditions they are facing. Even when we are having a difficult time engaging with a person or situation this can be as a by-product of them struggling with something too. Taking a moment to step back and to consider how the other person is doing can help us consider a more rounded perspective.
Impact the course had
I wasn’t sure how the course would impact me. However, one thing I’m coming to learn is once you build up an awareness or knowledge of something there are subtle mindset shifts that allow you to see situations differently.
As a result I was able to identify a number of areas where an enhanced sense of compassion allowed me to make different choices.
- I felt able to make some choices on how to move forward after a difficult friendship breakdown.
- I chose to stay at home and rest up when I was unwell – resisting FOMO
- I have been more aware of judgment and not considering how the other person might be feeling in a situation
- I have been much kinder to myself while I’ve been going through dental treatment. And understand what arukampa means now I’ve experienced the pain of a dental extraction.
Practical things to try out
Rejoicing in others
Also known as rejoicing in merits, this can be seen as a radical act of compassion. This simple yet powerful practice is simply where you tell someone something that you really appreciate in that person.
I actually found this quite easy to do. As on reflection rejoicing in others is an activity I’ve regularly done with colleagues in an activity called an appreciation or love bomb. And at Christmas time me and Vikas do a love advent calendar. Where we write 24 reasons why we love each other.
From the group discussions it became apparent British Culture in particular seems to struggle with the social awkwardness of saying nice things to people and especially about ourselves.
So the next time you notice a positive quality in someone, tell them. Little acts of kindness go a long way.
Metta Bhavna
The Metta Bhavna is a 5 step meditation that is a practical way to practice exercising compassion. Both to ourselves and other people around us. Sitting with your feelings and how you feel about others is a powerful way to remember how interconnected we all are. To bring kindness and objectivity to situations.
At a time when it feels like there is so much pain and suffering in the world, saying these words and embodying the principles brought me a sense of hope and optimism. It’s through small ripples of positive action we can make the world a better place.
You can read more about the practice via The Buddhist Centre.
Finding ways to build in compassion into routine
Lastly I wanted to share a few ways I’ve been practically putting compassion into action.
- Daily gratitude
- Insight timer – trying out compassion meditations
- Donating money to causes that matter
- Responding to others social posts
- Asking how friends/colleagues need you to be there for them
It’s all still a work in progress but learning more about how to be kinder to myself and others has given me some tools to help maintain my resilience.
How do you practice compassion?
